I hurt. My son hurts. Our summer after school was LITERALLY entirely without Steven. He died the day after Cooper finished second grade. Our summer has been one of trying to find our 'new normal'.
Normal.
Does "normal" really even exist? What does it mean to be normal? I mean, someone would probably look at my house and think the clutter is anything but "normal". But for me, it's normal. Someone may think that stuff on counter tops is not normal. It's always been normal for me.
Now, would I like to get to a place where it'd be completely clean: everything has a place and everything is IN it's place? Oh, hell, yes. But I don't really know that I'm ever going to get there. I don't know where to start.
Right now I'm trying to figure out how to function without spending my time sitting in my recliner watching "The Librarians" or "Rizzoli and Isles" or "The Big Bang Theory" while looking at my iPad and perusing Facebook or playing Candy Crush and wasting money buying help.
How, in this journey, do I find myself again and be the mother my son DESERVES to have? How do I learn self-care? I have a feeling it's going to have to be through raw honesty that I will need to share with the world.
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